I have no desire. I’m already failing this midterm for U.S. History. I know I need to do this, but starting is the hardest thing to do. I feel petty and spoiled that I never do my work when Junior year is your most important year in high school. In fact, I feel childish. I see all these people in college always doing research papers and their homework, I wish I had that motivation, that urge to get all my homework done and get all A’s. “Then just do it”, Sorry to who ever is perfect out there, I’m not like you. I can’t just stop this habit cold turkey. I know that if I rely on God’s strength I can do anything, but just because I can do anything doesn’t mean I can do it anytime, right?

I don’t know. I know I need to get off my lazy bum that’s for sure. Once I’ve started, I can do it, and I can do fairy well. It’s you, procrastination, that makes me feel like I can’t start something. What’s behind procrastination is the enemy trying to tell me that I’m slow, and dumb, and I’m already doing bad in school and putting thoughts of just giving up in my head.

Lord Jesus, please give me that desire, that passion to want to get good grades for you. I’ve prayed and tried for the longest time. I might still procrastinate till late tonight but I know that you will help me in time. Starting this new semester, I need you more than ever. I need you to bump me back up to where I need to be. You made me very smart, help me apply my skills and knowledge in my school work, because that’s my job right now. Thank you for being so gracious and awesome to me especially when I least deserve it. You’re the best. Also, if you could kinda get rid of this aching heart burn, that would help a ton. I love you!

When I get older, I will be stronger. They’ll call me freedom, just like a Wavin flag, and then it goes back. 

I hope whoever reads this, if they read it, they can understand. I love YOU! 

-Yella Bella BEAST

I can see the sun through the clouds

I just want to apologize for never going on here anymore. I’m really not good at keeping up with all these blogs and stuff. But since my last few posts, I have been healing. Though I did forget how hard it is to not to give the devil a foothold when you’re down in the dumps. It’s been a struggle. And God’s been showing me a lot about myself.

Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t give people advice or help them because, who am I to give them advice when I’m stuck in my own pit of mistakes? A friend came up to me with that same problem the other night and the only words that popped into my head were, “Don’t let the sin overcome you.”

At first I didn’t really know how to explain that. But I remember my pastor giving an analogy about a mother trying to keep her kids healthy, but she didn’t feel like it was her place to do that because she still needed to lose a lot of weight herself. 

We can’t believe those lies of the devil. He wants us to be paralyzed in our sin. But God gave us that freedom. Even though we feel like we can’t do anything because we don’t deserve it, or we’re too caught up in our problems, Jesus was that sacrifice to set us free from all that. 

Technically, if we don’t feel like we should help someone because of where we’re at in our walk, that’s kind of trying to fix their problem on your own. And you have no control of how God is going to use you. God helps us through people. And we can’t try and take everything into our own hands, I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, I hope whoever reads this gets something from it. I love you guys.

-Yella Bella BEAST